Seeking

How many e-mails do you get a day? Me, I get a fair amount. Some I read, others I skim, while others I release back into cyberspace without a second glance. (Don't worry if you are reading this blog, you can be sure that your e-mail has NEVER met that third fate. :o) Promise!) E-mails have made me laugh ... have made me cry ... have warmed my heart ... have kept me close to people that I otherwise might have lost contact with ... and on a rare occasion have shifted the course of my life and changed it. I received such an e-mail today. It had one a few sentences in it, but with a few click of my mouse, I was committing to something that I am sure will change my life forever. Curious ... you might have gotten it as well ... it said: "Also, click on the link (on the side of the page) to Beth Moore's blog - there is a scripture memory challenge she is doing this year - anyone game?" Anyone game? Memorizing? You've got to be kidding! Memorizing is not really a "game" that I am skilled in for two reasons that I have held tight to for many years now ... 1. Chemo brain. (My memory has never quite been the same since going through treatment 5 years ago.) AND 2. Age! If I live to be in my eighties, I am half-way through my life, which makes total sense because I can only remember things about half of the time! Drea has for many a study been trying to get me to memorize scripture. I know the importance of it. I know that it is what God wants ... but, it is just not something I am good at. (See reasons 1 and 2 above.)

So, today when I read the posts on Beth's blog, I was not really imagining that I would walk away from it commiting to learn a new verse or verse section evey two weeks! In fact I went there convinced that it would not move me in the slightestest ... (Refer once again to reasons 1 and 2 above ... and then add that I am not in the least a committed person when it comes to spending a great deal of time with the Lord. (OK ... so that was brutally honest, but if you know me well you know that I am not really a good liar and have thus given up really trying. Also, if this year is to really show the amazing ability of God to change hearts you should know where mine is right now.) It involves index cards ... and although Drea gets all tingly and excited at the sound of that, I really do not. It involves posting a commitment ... to commit in front of the world and then not follow through would be a living lie and I have explained how I am about lying. And then there was the whole thing about MEMORIZATION! Me? You already know the drill! And then it hit me. One quick thought that absolutely blew excuses 1 and 2 out of the water.

Two months ago I joined Coupon Sense. I will not go into great detail about it here, as much as I would like to, but I will go as far as to explain that it involves a binder with hundreds of different coupons in it. My binder is huge! How in the world does this matter you ask? It matters because when I look at the ads I know if I have a coupon for an item or not and exactly where I can find it in my binder. That is not to say that it is a book of unorganized clutter ... that it is not. But, without opening it I can tell you if I have a coupon for something and sometimes even how much it is for! I memorize them because they are important to me. (Honesty remember?) So, how could I not? How could I do anything but agree, knowing that God was most certainly watching me come to this realization, waiting to see what I would do with the knowledge. So I joined the Siesta Scripture Memory Team. It works basically like this: I have agreed to post a verse that I am commiting to memorize and meditate on the 1st and the 15th of every month on Beth's blog along with every other person who has made the commitment. I have agreed to put them on index cards and memorize them, meditate on them, and give them residence in my heart.

So, that sounds really simple right? Well, if I am going to be honest before you my sisters and friends ... which you know I will ... the problem is not so much the memorization, as was disproven above, but rather that I have not placed much importance on being actively engaged in the process of deepening my realtionship with God. Yes, I attend Bible studies. I go to church every Sunday, because I love it ... not because I am obligated to it. But I am prone to eat the seed rather than sew it for a harvest. (Last week in Bible study Beth Moore was sharing how starving people that were given seeds in Africa were tending to eat them rather than plant them ... leaving no long term benefit. She continued my drawing a parallel about how we are often so very much like those people. How we gobble up teachings instead of planting them in our lives and letting the harvest of change come.) Can't remember God's Word, but can remember your coupons? Eating seed. Make plenty of time to sew, but have not the time to even finish your Bible study? Eating seed. The bottom line truth? I have not made growing and seeking God even one of the top 10 priorities in my life, let alone the most important.

So what does one do when they openly admit that they are at a place such as this? They find it as a place to begin! This blog will be a part of my journey. It is my accountability piece. I will post my verses on the first and the 15th here as well. I will also share insights about them along the way. So please ... share this journey with me. I am sure that God will do great things!

My first verse is ...

"And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the
LORD: and they shall be my people, and I will be their
God: for they shall return unto me with their whole
heart."
-Jeremiah 24:7, KJV

The journey has to begin with having a heart to know Him ... I have tried to do this on my own. I have ended up eating seed! This verse sounds like a promise to me. I sure hope it is, because it is my prayer. I am going to ask that he plant this desire in my heart and let the harvest grow.
Thank you for joining me in this adventure. Pray for me. Pray for faithfulness and dedication. Thank you for allowing me to be so painfully transparent with the truths about my heart.

Lisa


Father,
Thank you for teaching me today. Thank you for being active in my life and for pursuing me, even though I should be pursuing you. Give me a heart to know you that you are the LORD and to make you the most important priority in my life. Help me to plant your Word in my heart and grow it. Give me a heart for you above all else. Speak into my life Father, I am listening.
Amen

Above all am I convinced of the need, irrevocable and inescapable, of
every human heart, for God. No matter how we try to escape, to lose
ourselves in restless seeking, we cannot separate ourselves
from our divine source. There is no substitute for God.

A. J. Cronin