Giving

OK ... So this does not have to do with my memorization journey, but I thought that it was important to share! If you are reading this, I am sure that you know about the Thiele's and how they are in the process of adopting 3 more children from Ethiopia. If you know them well, and probably if you don't, you know the amazing stories about how God has confirmed over and over again that it is His will that they do this. I was privileged to be a part of this the first time when the adopted. I was able to see 1st hand the miracles that fell as His plan unfolded. I also learned that it was not just them bringing the kids home ... it was US. God had roles for US in the process. How amazing a journey that was! So, what about this time? Is there a role for US? I believe so. I believe that God is using this to show us something, to teach us something. I think it is about being The Body of Christ. This is what I have learned ...

Giving

How often we bow a knee and ask God to bestow "more" upon us ... "more" of a job when one is lost, "more" money when we run short, "more" time when our to do list is longer than there are hours in the day, "more" patience when our nerves are frazzled, "more" ... "more" ... "more." Not that this is a bad thing ... we are told to ask ... to pray ... to go to our Father for out needs and our wants ... BUT what if we went to Him with a request for "more" opportunities to give and serve others, "more" of a desire to give than receive? The two go hand in hand. Our cup is supposed to run over. Too often we try to make the cup bigger to hold more. When we do this ... we rob ourselves of the blessing of "running over." We end up feeling that we need "more" of something to fill that cup. What we should do instead, is strive to make the cup smaller. If we did this, it would be running over all the time!

So let's make out cups smaller. Let's pour out the blessings that God has filled us starting here with this cause. It is not "your cause" Drea, it is God's entrusted to you ... to us.

I am pouring out a dream that I have held onto for a few years ... a pond in my back yard. I have the kit. I have the wiring in. It is all ready to become a reality. I will be selling it on Craig's list with a heart that is overflowing with joy that I can be a part of something that God is doing. :)

Lisa

Learning

O.k. So this second verse comes early by seven days, but it is the one the I NEED, and so I am committing to it today. Let me explain why. I am a school teacher. I can't say that I always wanted to be from the time I was little, although I did play endless hours of school as a child ... as we all did. I was actually a young adult when I suddenly realized that I wanted to be a teacher. It was an idea that consumed me as soon as it occurred to me, and with in a year I was in school to become one. I just knew that it was what God wanted me to do. It was so crystal clear.

Fast forward 20 years. I have been teaching at the same inner-city school in Phoenix for over 15 years. I still feel that it is what God wants me to do, although I (at times) wonder how I can bear it much longer. (Not that I would quit teaching, as I still have a peace that it is what I am gifted and lead to do, but that I would move districts.) You see No Child Left Behind, paired with Arizona's current laws that mandate how children are to be assigned to classrooms according to their language level, has made it incredibly stressful. (Did I mention that I teach second language learners? I have the low intermediate group of kids.) The expectations on us are high. State testing and labeling is looming in the near future. The State Department of Education comes through our rooms ... clipboards in hand. We are chasing a moving target, are working harder than we ever have, and are constantly having to find ways to give even more. Now all of this is not bad. In fact it does have its benefits. I feel challenged, I have to self evaluate and keep improving and learning, I have become a skilled teacher. But ... I also feel defeated when my kids are not scoring high enough, feel disheartened when the 3rd grade level assessments do not reflect the improvement that I know they have made, and feel tired when it seems that my job is never done.

So why don't I move? The kids. They need teachers who are called to them. If education were a mission field (which I would say it is ... at least mine) they are my "people group." The group that my heart is drawn to. I know that I am in the "right place." I just am not sure that I have the "right attitude." If God indeed did place me here for these little ones that are so precious to Him, then why do I feel and act so frustrated and downtrodden? Why do I feel like the "other team" is winning? Why do I find myself frequently visiting a place of disappointment and irritation?

A friend at school told me that "I had God on my side" and that "I could do it." It was comforting at the time, but was comfort turned conviction later the next day. Did I have God on my side in what I perceive as a battle? Yes, of course. He is always there for us. He is our help! (Yes, Drea ... I am also stepping up and working on the Psalm for Stepping Up!) But, was I on God's side in it? Let's just change one word. Was I along side God in it? Or, have I started to see this as my problem, my burden, my challenge, etc. And in doing so, have I redressed myself in robes of behavior marked with a hardening heart, impatient tendencies, and pride. (Yes, I say pride because I don't want people to see that my kids are so behind ... I don't want people to think badly of my teaching.) And so I work even harder to make sure that I help my kids to learn. But are they mine? Or are they God's? Am I in teaching for myself? Or am I in it for God? Am I doing this on my own strengths? Or am I leaning on my creator to create the strength that I need? Did I create the spiritual gifting that drives me to do this? Or is a gift bestowed on me by God? All of these thoughts flowed through my mind, heart, and spirit ... and I began to see that I was not standing behind God in this struggle, but rushing infront trying to fix, that which I was not meant to do alone.

So what are my next steps? Pray? (I do do that, although I could be more specific for the individual needs of my students ... maybe I will make a prayer list for them by name.) Set it down at His feet? Yes, I know that is right ... but what exactly was I to lay down? My pride? Yes. My desire to do this on my own merit? Yes. But, there was something I was missing. Something that I did not realize until I happened upon the following verse ... my attitude. So Colossians 3:12 is what I will be memorizing. It says:

Clothe yourselves therefore, as God's own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper].

I will blog later about what I am already seeing as applications for me in this Please continue to pray for me as God and I continue this journey. I have a feeling that this will be easier to memorize than to apply. :o)

May God's hand be upon you, and His light shine through you.

Lisa

P.S. To that friend who said "You can do it ... You have God on your side." ... thank you! I am glad that we are becoming friends. You blessed me. :o)

Finding

Ok ... so it has been four days and I have already memorized my verse. :0) There are a few things I have noticed about it that I think are worth sharing. The first line of the verse is, " I will give them a heart for me." God does not say, "Have a heart for me." He says that he will give them or me ... or us) a heart for him. I can't have a heart for him on my own accord, it is something that I have to ask for. It is something that I have to depend on him for! The second part of that sentence is, "that I am the LORD." LORD here stands for YAHWEH, or "I forever was, and forever will be." He wants them, or us, to know that he is and and will always be. The next line is (and I am doing this without it in front of me ... just so ya know!), "and they shall be my people, and I will be their God." When we ask for, and are given a heart for him ... we renew and deepen our covenant with him. The final line says, "for they will return to me with their whole heart." Interesting it starts with the word for. It is a given that they will return. He knows, and he adds that they will return with their whole heart. If we ask for him to gift us with the desire to know him ... he will give it and we will return to him with our whole hearts. Whole hearts, when I looked it up, refered to mind, body, spirit, whole self. It refered to all of a person ... every facet. What a verse! Clearly chosen (by God for me) for a reason as I start this journey.

This evening, I sat down and a poem flowed out of my pen. I think I will close with that poem.

Seek me and
I will provide you with
the gift of desire.
For only with this gift
will your heart
yearn to know more
of me and my ways.
Accept it and know
that I am Yahweh-Elohim.
The one who is
your God
who waits for your return
from the exhile
of your own making.
You know so much of me,
but do you know me?
No, because your heart
has not the power
on its own.
Come and ask.
You will be mine,
and I will be your God
asking only for
your whole heart
in return.


Thanks for stopping by!

With prayers for God's hand in your life,

Lisa

Seeking

How many e-mails do you get a day? Me, I get a fair amount. Some I read, others I skim, while others I release back into cyberspace without a second glance. (Don't worry if you are reading this blog, you can be sure that your e-mail has NEVER met that third fate. :o) Promise!) E-mails have made me laugh ... have made me cry ... have warmed my heart ... have kept me close to people that I otherwise might have lost contact with ... and on a rare occasion have shifted the course of my life and changed it. I received such an e-mail today. It had one a few sentences in it, but with a few click of my mouse, I was committing to something that I am sure will change my life forever. Curious ... you might have gotten it as well ... it said: "Also, click on the link (on the side of the page) to Beth Moore's blog - there is a scripture memory challenge she is doing this year - anyone game?" Anyone game? Memorizing? You've got to be kidding! Memorizing is not really a "game" that I am skilled in for two reasons that I have held tight to for many years now ... 1. Chemo brain. (My memory has never quite been the same since going through treatment 5 years ago.) AND 2. Age! If I live to be in my eighties, I am half-way through my life, which makes total sense because I can only remember things about half of the time! Drea has for many a study been trying to get me to memorize scripture. I know the importance of it. I know that it is what God wants ... but, it is just not something I am good at. (See reasons 1 and 2 above.)

So, today when I read the posts on Beth's blog, I was not really imagining that I would walk away from it commiting to learn a new verse or verse section evey two weeks! In fact I went there convinced that it would not move me in the slightestest ... (Refer once again to reasons 1 and 2 above ... and then add that I am not in the least a committed person when it comes to spending a great deal of time with the Lord. (OK ... so that was brutally honest, but if you know me well you know that I am not really a good liar and have thus given up really trying. Also, if this year is to really show the amazing ability of God to change hearts you should know where mine is right now.) It involves index cards ... and although Drea gets all tingly and excited at the sound of that, I really do not. It involves posting a commitment ... to commit in front of the world and then not follow through would be a living lie and I have explained how I am about lying. And then there was the whole thing about MEMORIZATION! Me? You already know the drill! And then it hit me. One quick thought that absolutely blew excuses 1 and 2 out of the water.

Two months ago I joined Coupon Sense. I will not go into great detail about it here, as much as I would like to, but I will go as far as to explain that it involves a binder with hundreds of different coupons in it. My binder is huge! How in the world does this matter you ask? It matters because when I look at the ads I know if I have a coupon for an item or not and exactly where I can find it in my binder. That is not to say that it is a book of unorganized clutter ... that it is not. But, without opening it I can tell you if I have a coupon for something and sometimes even how much it is for! I memorize them because they are important to me. (Honesty remember?) So, how could I not? How could I do anything but agree, knowing that God was most certainly watching me come to this realization, waiting to see what I would do with the knowledge. So I joined the Siesta Scripture Memory Team. It works basically like this: I have agreed to post a verse that I am commiting to memorize and meditate on the 1st and the 15th of every month on Beth's blog along with every other person who has made the commitment. I have agreed to put them on index cards and memorize them, meditate on them, and give them residence in my heart.

So, that sounds really simple right? Well, if I am going to be honest before you my sisters and friends ... which you know I will ... the problem is not so much the memorization, as was disproven above, but rather that I have not placed much importance on being actively engaged in the process of deepening my realtionship with God. Yes, I attend Bible studies. I go to church every Sunday, because I love it ... not because I am obligated to it. But I am prone to eat the seed rather than sew it for a harvest. (Last week in Bible study Beth Moore was sharing how starving people that were given seeds in Africa were tending to eat them rather than plant them ... leaving no long term benefit. She continued my drawing a parallel about how we are often so very much like those people. How we gobble up teachings instead of planting them in our lives and letting the harvest of change come.) Can't remember God's Word, but can remember your coupons? Eating seed. Make plenty of time to sew, but have not the time to even finish your Bible study? Eating seed. The bottom line truth? I have not made growing and seeking God even one of the top 10 priorities in my life, let alone the most important.

So what does one do when they openly admit that they are at a place such as this? They find it as a place to begin! This blog will be a part of my journey. It is my accountability piece. I will post my verses on the first and the 15th here as well. I will also share insights about them along the way. So please ... share this journey with me. I am sure that God will do great things!

My first verse is ...

"And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the
LORD: and they shall be my people, and I will be their
God: for they shall return unto me with their whole
heart."
-Jeremiah 24:7, KJV

The journey has to begin with having a heart to know Him ... I have tried to do this on my own. I have ended up eating seed! This verse sounds like a promise to me. I sure hope it is, because it is my prayer. I am going to ask that he plant this desire in my heart and let the harvest grow.
Thank you for joining me in this adventure. Pray for me. Pray for faithfulness and dedication. Thank you for allowing me to be so painfully transparent with the truths about my heart.

Lisa


Father,
Thank you for teaching me today. Thank you for being active in my life and for pursuing me, even though I should be pursuing you. Give me a heart to know you that you are the LORD and to make you the most important priority in my life. Help me to plant your Word in my heart and grow it. Give me a heart for you above all else. Speak into my life Father, I am listening.
Amen

Above all am I convinced of the need, irrevocable and inescapable, of
every human heart, for God. No matter how we try to escape, to lose
ourselves in restless seeking, we cannot separate ourselves
from our divine source. There is no substitute for God.

A. J. Cronin